Innocence Lost (painting of the day) / Izgubljena nevinost (slika dana)

Thinking about what I want to share today. Why not this  painting of mine? How long it has been since I shared some of my latest works? A day before yesterday? This one comes from that series (here). I suppose you have already seen it if you follow me on Instagram. I've been feeling rather inspired lately. I wonder if there is any connection between my recent thinking processes and my paintings, is there a collaboration between the two. Sometimes I find myself overthinking things and sometimes I realize that I'm actually using my head for constructive thoughts. It is hard to tell the difference between the two, isn't it? 

Thinking about mediums. This one is a mixed media. Can you tell? It is a mix of watercolours and markers. I'm still trying to master watercolours or at least decided what exactly do I want to do with them. For me this medium doesn't come naturally, but I'm persistent.  I've been painting a lot lately but it never seems to be enough. The more I paint, the more I feel like painting. It's like eating, I suppose. To more you eat, the more you work up your appetite. 

Razmišljam o tome što danas želim podijeliti. Zašto ne ovu sliku? Koliko je prošlo od kada sam podijelila svoje zadnje radove? Prekjučer? Ovaj dolazi iste serije (ovdje). Pretpostavljam da ste ga već imali priliku vidjeti ako me pratite na Instagramu. U zadnje vrijeme imam nadahnuća napretek. Pitam se ima li kakva poveznica između mojih nedavnih misaonih procesa i mojih slika, ima li kakva suradnja između to dvoje. Ponekad shvatim da previše razmišljam o stvarima, a ponekad shvatim kako zapravo koristim glavu za konstruktivne misli. Teško je vidjeti razliku između to dvoje, zar ne?

Razmišljam o medijima. Ovaj je mješavina medija. Je li to očito? Pomiješala sam vodene boje i markere. Još uvijek pokušavam ovladati akvarelom ili barem odlučiti što točno želim sa njim. Meni ovaj medij i ne dolazi prirodno, ali uporna sam. U zadnje vrijeme puno crtam, ali nikada mi nije dovoljno. Što više slikam, više mi se slika. To je možda  kao i jedenje, što više jedemo to nam se više otvara apetit.

Thinking about William Blake. It has been ages since I read his Songs Of Innocence and Songs Of Experience, but I recall them quite well. Some things just stay with us. Have you read them per chance? Have you seen his illustrations? I rather like Blake's illustrating style, I'm not sure if I have ever mentioned that before, but it has always seemed very unique to me. What do you think about Blake's illustrations? Anyway, I've been thinking about innocence a lot.  Sometimes we lose our innocence, sometimes we regain it. Perhaps innocence is more a state of mind than a lack of experience. Perhaps true innocence calls for some experience. Perhaps innocence can also be a vulnerability of sort.  Knowing that we can get hurt, but doing it anyway. Knowing that love hurts, but loving anyway.

Thinking about Paradise Lost. A timeless classic. Milton's greatest achievement. Blake did illustrations for that one. I don't think that his are the most famous ones, but they are critically acclaimed. Did you know that Milton supposedly went blind because of his extensive reading habits? But I must say they seem to payed off for he displays an amazing eloquence in his writings. Often in life, you have to give up on something to get something else. Ultimately, you're the only one who can tell was it worth it. Stephen King always says that if we can't find the time to read, we won't be able to find the time to write- or something of the sorts. My husband sometimes says that I will go blind reading. I doubt it. All I got to say on this subject, if I were to go blind for the sake of literature, it would have surely  been worth it. Have you perhaps read My Name is Red by Orhan Pamuk? In that novel, among the painters was considered the highest honour to go blind because of too much painting. Today people think that it is achievement to work as little as possible. Perhaps sometimes it is good to figure out alternatives to work, but in reality sometimes work can be a reward in itself. Have we forgotten about that? 

Razmišljam o Williamu Blaku. Dosta je prošlo vremena od kada sam čitala njegove Pjesme Nevinosti i Pjesme Iskustva, ali ih se dosta dobro sjećam. Neke stvari jednostavno ostaju s nama. Jeste li ih vi možda čitati? Jeste li vidjeli njegove ilustracije? Dosta mi se sviđa stil ilustracija Williama Blakea. Ne znam jesam li to ikad prije spomenula, ali njegove ilustracije su stvarno jedinstvene. Kakve se vama čine? U svakom slučaju, dosta sam razmišljala o nevinosti. Ponekad izgubimo svoju nevinost, ponekad je ponovno zadobijemo. Možda je nevinost više stanje uma nego manjak iskustva. Možda prava nevinost zahtjeva nekakvo iskustvo. Možda je nevinost i neka vrsta ranjivosti. Znati da nas mogu povrijediti, ali ipak se usuditi voljeti. Znati da ljubav boli, ali opet voljeti.

Razmišljam o Izgubljenom raju. Bezvremenski klasik. Miltonovo najveće postignuće. Blake je i to za djelo pravio ilustracije. Mislim da njegove i nisu najpoznatije, ali su priznate od strane kritike. Jeste li znali da je Milton navodno oslijepio jer je toliko čitao? No, mislim da mu se to ipak isplatilo jer je u svom pisanju pokazao izrazitu rječitost. Često se u životu moraš nečega odreći kako bi dobio nešto drugo. Na kraju si ti jedini koji može reći je li to bilo vrijedno toga. Stephen King uvijek kaže da ako ne možemo naći vremena za čitanje, nećemo nikada moći naći vremena ni za pisanje, ili nešto u tom stilu. Moj muž ponekad kaže da ću oslijepiti koliko čitam. Nekako mi se to ne čini vjerojatno. Sve što mogu reći na tu temu da ako oslijepim radi književnosti, sigurno će to biti vrijedno toga.  Jeste li možda čitali Zovem se Crvena od Orhan Pamuka? U tom romanu, među slikarima se smatralo najvećom čašću oslijepiti zbog previše slikanja. Danas ljudi misle da je postignuće raditi što manje moguće. Možda je nekad i dobro smisliti neku alternativu radu, ali zapravo rad može biti nagrada sam po sebi. Jesmo li to zaboravili? 

Thinking about this painting and why I called it Innocence Lost. Has it got anything to do with my love for Blake and Milton? Has it got anything to do with my fondness for British poetry? Has it anything to do with another subject I have been thinking about lately? However, I won't get into that one now. I've probably been doing too much thinking lately anyway. Just one more think then.... Thinking about what I look for in my paintings. Realizing that I want to be looked back. I want the painting to look back at me. That is what I try to do. Unconsciously, that is probably what I want. To breathe life into something. To create. To share. To communicate. Perhaps it is what we all want. One way or another.

Razmišljam o ovoj slici i zašto sam je nazvala Izgubljena nevinost. Ima li to kakve veze s mojom privrženošću Blakeu i Miltonu? Ima li kakve veze s mojih simpatijama prema britansko poetiji? Ima li veze s jednom drugom temom o kojoj sam dosta razmišljala u zadnje vrijeme. No, neću sada ulaziti u to...Samo još nešto....Razmišljam o tome što tražim u slikama. Shvaćam da je ono što želim uzvraćeni pogled. Želim da slike gledaju u mene. To je ono što pokušavam. Nesvjesno, to je vjerojatno ono što želim. Udahnuti život u nešto. Stvarati.  Dijeliti. Komunicirati. Možda je to ono što svi želimo. Na ovaj ili na onaj način.

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