Unfair advantage (outfit post of the day) / Nepoštena prednost (odjevna kombinacija dana)

Today I was thinking about something that my husband once said to me. 'You have an unfair advantage. For you it is so easy to express yourself', he said. There was this implication that  I was able to put everything down in words. I can't deny it. For me, expressing my views and thoughts requires almost no effort. If you start me on a subject I'm interested in, I can talk for hours. I can share my emotions and thoughts eloquently. However, it is not something that I was born with. Expressing oneself clearly, either in written or in spoken form, is a skill. This skill is something that we develop all our life. Everyone can be good at it. The more time we dedicate to it, the better we become at it. It is like every skill. It would be really odd if I wasn't able to put two sentences together, considering that I spent five years of my life studying language and literature at University level. During that time I wrote hundreds of essays in two languages and gave dozens of presentations (I'm not exaggerating the numbers, I had up to 10 classes per semester and some required multiple essays, ten semesters- you do the math). Then I worked as an intern for a year. Then I took a state exam and had to demonstrate my ability both to express myself clearly and to teach others to do so. Most summer jobs I have had in my life were in tourism and trust me in tourism good communication is everything. So, it is not that I suddenly woke up and could do all these things. If expressing myself clearly comes naturally to me now, it is only because I have invested a lot of time in it. Yes, now articulating myself it requires almost no effort, I won't deny it- but that doesn't mean I didn't work for it. So, it is not an unfair advantage. It is an advantage that I earned. I worked for it. 

Danas sam razmišljala o nečemu što mi jednom muž rekao. "Imaš nepoštenu prednost. Za tebe je tako lako izraziti se.", rekao je. Ne mogu to poreći. Nije mi se teško izraziti, bilo da je riječ o mislima ili o osjećajima. Ako započnete sa mnom pričati o temi koja me zanima, vidjet ćete da mogu pričati satima. Mogu podijeliti svoje misli i emocije na elokventan način. No, to nije nešto s čime sam rođena. Izražavati se jasno, bilo u pisanoj ili usmenoj formi je vještina. Ta je vještina nešto što razvijamo svoj cijeli život. Svatko može biti dobar u tomu. Što više vremena tomu posvetimo, bolje će nam ići. To je kao svaka vještina. Bilo bi čudno da ne mogu spojiti dvije rečenice, s obzirom da sam provela pet godina svoga života studirajući jezik i književnost. Tijekom toga vremena sam napisala stotine eseja na dva jezika i imala preko deset samostalnih prezentacija (ne pretjerujem s brojevima, po semestru sam imala i do deset predmeta. a za neke je bilo potrebno napisati i po dva seminarska rada, tako da deset semestara- i sami možete zbrojiti koliko seminarskih). Onda sam stažirala godinu dana. Onda sam polagala državni ispit i morala dokazati ne samo da se znam jasno izražavati nego da sam sposobna to i druge podučavati. Većina ljetnih poslova koje sam u životu radila vrtila se oko turizma, a u turizmu komunikacija je sve. Nije da sam odjednom probudila i sve to znala. Ako mi sada prirodno dolazi govoriti i pisati na jasan način, to je samo zato jer sam na tomu puno radila. Istina, ne moram se mučiti da se izrazim, neću to poreći- ali to ne znaći da se nisam pomučila da dođem do toga. Tako da to nije nepoštena prednost. To je prednost koju sam stekla svojim radom.

The funny thing is that from us two, I would still say that my husband is the one with better people skills. I'm a good communicator, but I don't have his appeal. I'm awkward, he is likable. He is the kind of person that everyone remembers, I'm not. He is the kind of person that everyone is drawn to, I'm not. I might be more eloquent, but he is the one who is charming. He worked in a sale for a long time and that has possibly helped his people skills. He could sell ice to Eskimos, I couldn't sell ice to someone dying of thirst in the desert. I could hold a lecture about ice, but I couldn't sell it. Being so considerable of other people's feelings and thoughts helps me when it comes to understanding people, in learning from people and teaching them things, but it me makes me awkward in every day life because I completely lack that 'spontaneous charm'. Charm seems to come naturally to him. People like him. Generally speaking, he is much better in social things than me. Does that mean he has an unfair advantage? I don't think so. I think it is also something that he has worked on, even if he might not realize it. He has a way with people, but I'm sure this is not a skill he was born with. That's the thing. It seems like it is something someone is born with. When someone is good at something, it always seems like it comes to them naturally. The truth is that there is often work behind it. Work and motivation. Sure, one might say that my husband is sociable by nature, but that doesn't mean he hasn't worked on his people skills. What it comes down to really is, always a question of motivation. If we are motivated to do something, we will find ways to get better at it. We can all improve our skills with time and work. Nobody is born perfect. What does it mean to be perfect anyway? We're all different, we have our strong and weak points.  But we can all become better if we work at it. Why am I writing this? Because so many of us compare ourselves with others and feel demotivated. The problem is not really that we compare ourselves with others. The problem is that we compare ourselves in the wrong way. We can learn thing by comparison- but we need to approach comparison in the right way. Let's all stop being so hard on ourselves. Nobody is born perfect. Even if someone was born perfect, maintaining that perfection would take serious work and dedication. Perhaps we are all   (in a way) born perfect- perfect for this adventure that is called self-growth. Either way, we're all works in progress. 

Zanimljivo je da bih opet rekla da od nas dvoje moj muž je onaj koji je puno bolji s ljudima. Ja mogu dobro iskomunicirati stvari, ali nisam toliko pristupačna. Ja sam čudna, on je simpatičan. On je onaj tip osobe koje se svi sjećaju, ja nisam. On je onaj tip osobe koja privlači pozornost svojom pojavom, ja nisam. Možda sam ja elokventna, ali on je šarmantan.  On je dugo radio u prodaji, pa je to možda pridonijelo njegovoj vještini s ljudima. On mi mogao prodati let Eskimima, ja ga ne bi mogla prodati nekome to umire od žeđi u pustinji. Mogla bi održati predavanje o ledu, ali ga ne bi mogla prodati. Ja se toliko brinem da nekoga ne uvrijedim da odbijam ljude od sebe. Ta pretjerana senzibiliziranost mi dobro dođe kada moram razumijeti ljude i nešto im objasniti, nešto naučiti pod njih ili ih nečemu naučiti, ali mi potpuno nedostaje taj nekakav spontani šarm. Njemu to dolazi prirodno- ili se barem tako čini. Ljudi ga vole. U prosjeku on je puno bolji u društvenim stvarima nego ja. Je li to znači da on ima nepoštenu prednost? Ne mislim da je tako. Tako se čini. Upravo je tu kvaka. Uvijek nam se čini kada je netko u nečemu dobar da mu to dolazi prirodno, ali što je potrebno da bi nam nešto došlo prirodno? Rad i motivacija. Mislim da je to nešto na čemu je on radio, mada toga nije ni svjestan. Moglo bi se reći da je po prirodi društven, ali to ne znači da nije radio na tome da bude tako dobar s ljudima. Na kraju se sve možda svodi na motivaciju. Kada nešto želimo, onda na tome i radimo, pa onda i nađemo način da dođemo do toga. Svi možemo biti bolji u nečemu ako radimo na tome. Nitko nije rođen savršen. Što uopće znači biti savršen? Svi smo mi različiti, imamo svoje dobre i loše strane. Svi možemo biti bolji u nečemu ako radimo na tome.  Zašto sve ovo pišem? Zato što se puno nas uspoređuje s drugima i onda nam se sve čini nemoguće. Zapravo problem nije uspoređivanje s drugima, nego način na koji to činimo. Uspoređivanjem možemo nešto i naučiti, ali moramo mu pristupiti na pravi način. Prestanimo biti sami sebi najgori neprijatelj. Nitko nije rođen savršen. Ako netko i je rođen savršen, opet mu preostaje održavati to savršenstvo, što je svakako, jako teško. Možda smo na neki način svi rođeni savršeni, savršeni za ovu avanturu koja je zove osobni rast i razvoj. Kakogod, svi smo mi radovi u tijeku. 

coat/kaput: Tally Weijl, blouse/bluze and /i bag/torba: vintage (second hand), boots/čizme: Šimecki, beanie/kapica:borrowed/posuđena

Location for this post is Capljina, a little city in Bosnia and Herzegovina. You can see my previous posts from this place here , here , here and here. 

Ove slike uslikane su u Čapljini. Možete vidjeti prijašnje fotografije iz ovoga mjesta u poveznicama u engleskome dijelu teksta iznad.