Meditations about beauty and happiness....Meditacije o ljepoti i sreći......

Today we're going to talk about beauty, joy and happiness. What it is that makes us happy? What I came to believe is that happiness is not something we should chase after. What? Wait a second! Isn't that what everyone is telling us to do? Isn't pursuit of happiness a very western thing to do? Isn't it progressive? Isn’t happiness what we should be after in this world? Maybe it is and maybe that is just what most people believe. You know sometimes I like to make a mental pause and think something along the lines…. if 'everyone' knew what they are doing, this world wouldn't be in such a pitiful state. So, maybe just maybe using my own head for thinking makes sense.

 This human life is often a paradox. If we clutch to happiness too tight, it might run like sand through our fists. I happen to believe that running after happiness can be quite futile. In life, I felt pretty good and quite happy in those very moments when according to all social rules, I should have been utterly depressed. I came to see those moments as my own personal victory and perhaps I was on to something.

Obviously, happiness is not something that is easy to define. Yet just about anyone has tried it. Now, I'm sort of trying to define it myself. There are thousands of books being published about happiness every years and who knows how many life couches and happiness advisors there are. Nevertheless, people are often depressed. They feel isolated and alone. In one sense, I can understand it. It is true that there are many serious problems in this world. Furthermore, one would have to be ice cold not to be moved by at least some of them. However, this state in which everyone seems to be unhappy with their life just doesn’t seem right.

Danas ćemo pričati o ljepoti, radosti i sreći. Što nas čini sretnima? Došla sam do zaključka da sreća ije nešto za čime bismo trebali trčati. Što? Kako? Zar to nije ono što nam svi govore? Zar nije potraga ua srećom jako zapadno i napredna stvar? Zar ne bismo trebali tražiti sreću u ovom svijetu? Možda da...and možda je to samo nešto što većina ljudi vjeruje. Znate nekada volim napraviti mentalnu stanku i pomisliti nešto kao....ako svi znaju što rade, zašto je onda svijet u tako lošem stanju? Možda ipak možda i nije tako loše razmišljati svojom glavom. 

Ljudski život je često paradoks. Ako se grčevito držimo sreće, ona nam može iscuriti kao pijesak kroz prste. Ja zapravo vjerujem da potraga za srećom može biti poprilično uzaludna. U životu često sam se osjećala prilično dobro i sretno upravo u onim trenucima kada sam po svim društvenim pravilima trebala biti skroz depresivna. Takvi trenuci su mi se počeli činiti kao neka osobna pobjeda i možda je to i bilo tako.

Očito je da sreća nije nešto što je lako za definirati, a opet više manje svi su to pokušali, a sada i ja. Tisuće se knjiga objavljuju svake godine o sreći i tko zna koliko ima savjetnika o sreći. Ipak, ljudi su često depresivni. Osjećaju se usamljenim i samim. Zapravo to mogu i razumjeti jer bi se trebalo biti mrtav hladan da te ne diraju barem neki problemi ovoga svijeta, a ima ih i previše. No, ipak mi se ovo stanje u kojem se svatko čini nezadovoljan svojim životom čini neprirodnim.

Besides happiness today we're going to talk about projections, disappointments and misunderstanding. I will have to draw on literature, because really that is what I think about most of the time. Let’s take Daisy for example. What does Daisy mean for Gatsby? She is a woman he is in love with (or thinks he is) but she is also a materialization of a dream. What happens when you chase after a dream? Daisy, as I see it, is a projection. Some people project their happiness into a house with a pool because that is what gives them a feeling of security. Some people project it into a state of being in relationship with a certain people or just onto other people in general. Often there is where the problems start because once they get that dream house, dream job or dream partner, you realize that you’re just as empty as you were to start with. You can’t build a house without a foundation and you can’t be a decent person if you don’t set some moral foundations for yourself.

You see, getting to really know somebody and then loving them is not the same as chasing after a dream or projecting your happiness into a relationship with some person. Some marriages are more real than others and I’m sorry but I have to say this so are some people. Some are more real than others because that is what they choose to be. If you don’t give our heart to others, if you don’t take chances, if you continue to run after dreams instead of building real meaningful relationships, it won’t matter how good your life looks on the surface, because deep down you’ll know the real state of things.

Osim sreće danas ćemo govoriti o projekcijama, razočaranjima i nerazumijevanju. Morati ću uzeti primjere iz književnosti jer je to ono o čemu najčešće razmišljam. Uzmimo Daisy za primjer. Što Daisy znači za Gatsby-a? Ona je žena u koju je zaljubljen (ili misli da je ) ali je ona također i materijalizacija sna. Što se događa kada jurite za snom? Daisy je koliko se meni čini projekcija. Neki ljudi prebacuju sreću u projekciju koja uključuje kuću s bazenom jer im to daje osjećaj sigurnosti. Neki ljudi rade projekciju na vezu s određenom osobom ili imaju projekcije o ljudima općenito. Često je to izvor problema jer kada dobiju tu kuću, posao i partnera iz snova, shvate da su jednako prazni kao u početku. Ne možeš izgraditi kuću bez temelja i ne možeš biti poštena osoba ako si ne postaviš nekakve moralne temelje. 

Vidite, doista upoznati nekoga i voljeti ga nije isto kao juriti za snom i kao praviti projekciju sreće u vezu s nekom osobom. Neki brakovi su stvarniji od drugih, a žao mi je što moram reći ali i neki ljudi su stvarniji od drugih jer su sami to odabrali. Ako ne date srce drugima, ako ne riskirate, ako nastavite trčati za snovima umjesto da gradite stvarne i značajne veze, onda neće biti bitno koliko dobro vaš život izgleda izvana jer ćete sami znati pravo stanje stvari.

In Stribor’s forest (one Croatian fairy-tale) I found what I consider to be one of the most profound things written about happiness. An old woman chased away from her home by her son found herself in enchanted forest and is magically given a choice to return to her youth (to her maiden years) but she rejects it because it would mean forgetting about her son. She rejects it saying that she prefers her unhappiness to all the happiness in the world which may seem strange but only at the first glance. Everyone who is parent should be able to understand it. Every parent should be able to realize how you are more complete with a child who rejects you than without it because that child is a part of yourself. In reality, choosing our own unhappiness (our path) and rejecting the worldy happiness is the way to true happiness because blind imitation of what seems to work for others will never get us anywhere.

 Everyone who has every truly loved should be able to understand it. To understand how a real connection with a person makes you more than you are and is far more important that youth, success or any bait this world has to offer. Anyone who has ever loved understands how you can be more complete having lost a person you loved then not having loved anyone at all. At the same time, it is hard to explain this to somebody who doesn’t have that kind of love in their experience. I can imagine a modern cynic laughing at this story. Who would give up being young again just because of some son? My answer is: every normal person should.

Striborova šuma je bajka u kojom sam pronašla nešto što mi se čini kao jedna od najdubljih stvari napisanih o sreći. Staroj ženi koji je vlastiti sin otjerao od kuće dana je prilika da se vrati u svoju mladost, u svoje djevojaštvo, ali ona je odbija jer bi to značilo zaboraviti svoga sina. Ona je odbija govoreći da joj je draža njena nesreća nego sva sreća ovoga svijeta što se može činiti čudnim ali samo na prvi pogled. Svatko tko je roditelj trebao bi moći to razumjeti, shvatiti kako si potpuniji sa djetetom koje te odbacuje nego bez njega jer je ono dio tebe. Doista, često put do prave sreće znači odabrati svoju nesreću i odbaciti sreću svijeta jer puka imitacija onoga što se čini dobrim za druge nas nikad neće odvesti nigdje.

Svatko tko je doista volio trebao bi to razumjeti. Razumjeti kako istinska povezanost s nekom osobom čini da postanemo više i stoga je važnija od mladosti, uspjeha ili bilo kojeg mamca koji ovaj svijet nudi. Svatko tko je ikada volio razumije kako se može biti više potpun kada se izgubi osoba koja se voljela nego kada nikad nismo voljeli. Teško je to objasniti nekome tko nema takvu ljubav u iskustvu. Mogu zamisliti modernoga cinika kako se smije na ovu priču. Tko bi se odrekao mladosti radi nekakvoga sina? Moj odgovor bi bio: svaka normalna osoba bi trebala.

Happiness can be a very complex thing, as demonstrated on the example of love. If Petrarca ( commonly called Petrarch in English) hasn’t loved Laura, modern literature wouldn’t be possible in the way we know it today, it simply wouldn't be what it was…and perhaps even our philosophy. It was this unreturned and hopeless love that gave a whole new direction and sophistication to our western literature as such. This love for a woman Petrarch could never had made him a more complete man ...probably because he understood how worthless shallow happiness really is. For really, sometimes choosing  something that seems like unhappiness over happiness is a more sophisticated decision. If Petrarch applied that macho and cynic ‘bro over hoes’ attitude that is really a form of insecurity, our European culture as such would probably be a lot less developed. Never underestimate the power of love.

Running after pleasure without ever questioning ourselves is a very immature thing to do. If you’re not genuine with yourself, if you don’t know yourself, how do you plan to achieve that happiness? Paradox is that we often find happiness when we reject all society’s rules about happiness, when we do what is right for us in that moment. When we make hard decisions, when we don’t compromise our morality…because being able to respect ourselves tends to feel darn good.

Projections are not harmless, as we can see in the case of Gatsby. They can backfire…and what is worse, they can make us lose contact with who we really are. Remember that article I wrote (here) about the most beautiful bus stop in the world? My  article about travel (here) has many of the same points. Certain things (like taking a vacation or enjoying a particularly beautiful place) can make us access happiness easier, but if you’re able to access it, realize also that you’re happy because your own capacity to be happy not because of some place (or some thing or whatever).

Sreća može biti jako složena stvar, kao što je pokazano na primjeru ljubavi. Da Petrarca nije volio Lauru, sama moderna književnost ne bi bila moguća u obliku u kojem nam je danas poznata, jednostavno ne bi bila ono što je...a možda čak i naša filozofija. Ova neuzvraćena i beznadna ljubav je dala čitav novi smjer i sofisticiranost našoj zapadnoj književnosti. Ta ljubav za ženom koju nikada nije mogao imati je učinila Petrarku potpunijim čovjekom...vjerojatno jer je razumio koliko je bezvrijedna plitka sreća. Doista, ponekad je odabrati nešto što se čini kao nesreća nad srećom je sofisticirana odluka. Da je Petrarca bio nekakv mačo muškarac i sa stavom kako žene nisu bitne (koji zapravo prekriva nesigurnost), onda bi cijela naša europska kultura bila siromašnija. Ne podcijenite moć ljubavi.

Trčanje za zadovoljstvom bez da se ikad preispitamo je poprilično nezrelo. Ako niste iskreni sami s sobom, ako sebe ne poznajete, kako onda planirane ostvariti sreću? Paradoks je da često pronađemo sreću kada odbacimo društvena pravila o sreći, ako napravimo ono što je ispravno za nas u tom trenutku. Kada donosimo teške odluke, kada ne radimo kompromise s našom moralnošću....jer kada možemo sami sebe poštovati, onda je to jako dobar osjećaj.

Projekcije nisu bezopasne, kao što možemo vidjeti na primjeru Gatsbya. One nam se mogu odbiti o glavu...a što je gore, mogu nas navesti da izgubimo kontakt sami s sobom. Sjećate se onoga članka koji sam napisala (ovdje) o najljepšoj autobusnoj stanici na svijetu? Ili onoga o putovanju (ovdje) koji ima dosta dodirnih točaka? Neke stvari kao npr. odlazak na godišnji ili uživanje u posebno lijepom mjestu mogu nas navesti da lakše pristupimo sreći, ali ako joj možete pristupiti morate shvatiti da ste sretni prvenstveno zbog svoje mogućnosti da budete sretni, a ne zbog nekoga mjesta ( ili stvari ili čega već).

For what is most beautiful in your spirit is the thing that is of your own creation. It is there if you made the right choices. It is there if you dared to think with your head. It is there if you choose to remember what lies deep under the surface of everyday life but at the same time it can be present  in all things.

Jer ono što je najljepše u vašem duhu je vaša osobna kreacija. Tu je ako ste pravili prave izbore. Tu je ako ste se usudili misliti svojom glavom. Tu je ako odaberete sjetiti se što leži duboko ispod površine svakodnevnoga života, a opet može biti prisutno u svim stvarima. 

.

You may feel grateful to that particular place or even person because it reminded you of something, but unless you secured something in your soul, a place of beauty, you won’t be able to be reminded of it and then nothing that this world has to offer will be able to remind you of it. And this is something you must do every day. You must fight for a place of beauty within your own soul. For it is not upon the world or anyone else to place it there.

Once you invested (sometimes a considerable amount of) your time into that, you will feel calmer from the inside, even if on surface you will lose your temper. Next time you feel stressed, just remember this story, remember how it is all relative, how things can change with a matter of perspective. Remember that beauty is a state of mind. Remember that happiness isn’t something you can buy or even earn. It is something that happens when things fall into place, when the mechanism of our soul works right.

Možete biti zahvalni određenom mjestu ili čak osobi jer su vas podsjetili na nešto, ali ako niste već nešto osigurali u duši, neko mjesto ljepote, neće biti u stanju toga se sjetiti i onda vas ništa u svijetu neće moći podsjetiti na to. To je nešto što morate raditi svakoga dana. Morate se boriti za ljepotu u svojoj duši. Nije na svijetu niti ikom drugome da je tamo stavi.

Jednom kada ste uložili ( često i puno) vremena u to, osjećati ćete se mirnije iznutra, čak i ako ćete na površini izgubiti živce. Idući put kada budete pod stresom, samo se sjetite ove priče, sjetite se koliko je sve relativno, kako se stvari mogu promijeniti s promjenom perspektive. Sjetite se da je ljepota stanje uma. Sjetite se da sreća nije nešto što se može kupiti ili čak zaslužiti. To je nešto što se dogodi kada se stvari poslože, kada mehanizmi naše duše rade kako treba.