ponedjeljak, 19. prosinca 2016.

Unfair advantage (outfit post of the day) / Nepoštena prednost (odjevna kombinacija dana)

Today I was thinking about something that my husband once said to me. 'You have an unfair advantage. For you it is so easy to express yourself', he said. There was this implication that  I was able to put everything down in words. I can't deny it. For me, expressing my views and thoughts requires almost no effort. If you start me on a subject I'm interested in, I can talk for hours. I can share my emotions and thoughts eloquently. However, it is not something that I was born with. Expressing oneself clearly, either in written or in spoken form, is a skill. This skill is something that we develop all our life. Everyone can be good at it. The more time we dedicate to it, the better we become at it. It is like every skill. It would be really odd if I wasn't able to put two sentences together, considering that I spent five years of my life studying language and literature at University level. During that time I wrote hundreds of essays in two languages and gave dozens of presentations (I'm not exaggerating the numbers, I had up to 10 classes per semester and some required multiple essays, ten semesters- you do the math). Then I worked as an intern for a year. Then I took a state exam and had to demonstrate my ability both to express myself clearly and to teach others to do so. Most summer jobs I have had in my life were in tourism and trust me in tourism good communication is everything. So, it is not that I suddenly woke up and could do all these things. If expressing myself clearly comes naturally to me now, it is only because I have invested a lot of time in it. Yes, now articulating myself it requires almost no effort, I won't deny it- but that doesn't mean I didn't work for it. So, it is not an unfair advantage. It is an advantage that I earned. I worked for it. 

Danas sam razmišljala o nečemu što mi jednom muž rekao. "Imaš nepoštenu prednost. Za tebe je tako lako izraziti se.", rekao je. Ne mogu to poreći. Nije mi se teško izraziti, bilo da je riječ o mislima ili o osjećajima. Ako započnete sa mnom pričati o temi koja me zanima, vidjet ćete da mogu pričati satima. Mogu podijeliti svoje misli i emocije na elokventan način. No, to nije nešto s čime sam rođena. Izražavati se jasno, bilo u pisanoj ili usmenoj formi je vještina. Ta je vještina nešto što razvijamo svoj cijeli život. Svatko može biti dobar u tomu. Što više vremena tomu posvetimo, bolje će nam ići. To je kao svaka vještina. Bilo bi čudno da ne mogu spojiti dvije rečenice, s obzirom da sam provela pet godina svoga života studirajući jezik i književnost. Tijekom toga vremena sam napisala stotine eseja na dva jezika i imala preko deset samostalnih prezentacija (ne pretjerujem s brojevima, po semestru sam imala i do deset predmeta. a za neke je bilo potrebno napisati i po dva seminarska rada, tako da deset semestara- i sami možete zbrojiti koliko seminarskih). Onda sam stažirala godinu dana. Onda sam polagala državni ispit i morala dokazati ne samo da se znam jasno izražavati nego da sam sposobna to i druge podučavati. Većina ljetnih poslova koje sam u životu radila vrtila se oko turizma, a u turizmu komunikacija je sve. Nije da sam odjednom probudila i sve to znala. Ako mi sada prirodno dolazi govoriti i pisati na jasan način, to je samo zato jer sam na tomu puno radila. Istina, ne moram se mučiti da se izrazim, neću to poreći- ali to ne znaći da se nisam pomučila da dođem do toga. Tako da to nije nepoštena prednost. To je prednost koju sam stekla svojim radom.





modaodaradosti





modaodaradosti






The funny thing is that from us two, I would still say that my husband is the one with better people skills. I'm a good communicator, but I don't have his appeal. I'm awkward, he is likable. He is the kind of person that everyone remembers, I'm not. He is the kind of person that everyone is drawn to, I'm not. I might be more eloquent, but he is the one who is charming. He worked in a sale for a long time and that has possibly helped his people skills. He could sell ice to Eskimos, I couldn't sell ice to someone dying of thirst in the desert. I could hold a lecture about ice, but I couldn't sell it. Being so considerable of other people's feelings and thoughts helps me when it comes to understanding people, in learning from people and teaching them things, but it me makes me awkward in every day life because I completely lack that 'spontaneous charm'. Charm seems to come naturally to him. People like him. Generally speaking, he is much better in social things than me. Does that mean he has an unfair advantage? I don't think so. I think it is also something that he has worked on, even if he might not realize it. He has a way with people, but I'm sure this is not a skill he was born with. That's the thing. It seems like it is something someone is born with. When someone is good at something, it always seems like it comes to them naturally. The truth is that there is often work behind it. Work and motivation. Sure, one might say that my husband is sociable by nature, but that doesn't mean he hasn't worked on his people skills. What it comes down to really is, always a question of motivation. If we are motivated to do something, we will find ways to get better at it. We can all improve our skills with time and work. Nobody is born perfect. What does it mean to be perfect anyway? We're all different, we have our strong and weak points.  But we can all become better if we work at it. Why am I writing this? Because so many of us compare ourselves with others and feel demotivated. The problem is not really that we compare ourselves with others. The problem is that we compare ourselves in the wrong way. We can learn thing by comparison- but we need to approach comparison in the right way. Let's all stop being so hard on ourselves. Nobody is born perfect. Even if someone was born perfect, maintaining that perfection would take serious work and dedication. Perhaps we are all   (in a way) born perfect- perfect for this adventure that is called self-growth. Either way, we're all works in progress. 

Zanimljivo je da bih opet rekla da od nas dvoje moj muž je onaj koji je puno bolji s ljudima. Ja mogu dobro iskomunicirati stvari, ali nisam toliko pristupačna. Ja sam čudna, on je simpatičan. On je onaj tip osobe koje se svi sjećaju, ja nisam. On je onaj tip osobe koja privlači pozornost svojom pojavom, ja nisam. Možda sam ja elokventna, ali on je šarmantan.  On je dugo radio u prodaji, pa je to možda pridonijelo njegovoj vještini s ljudima. On mi mogao prodati let Eskimima, ja ga ne bi mogla prodati nekome to umire od žeđi u pustinji. Mogla bi održati predavanje o ledu, ali ga ne bi mogla prodati. Ja se toliko brinem da nekoga ne uvrijedim da odbijam ljude od sebe. Ta pretjerana senzibiliziranost mi dobro dođe kada moram razumijeti ljude i nešto im objasniti, nešto naučiti pod njih ili ih nečemu naučiti, ali mi potpuno nedostaje taj nekakav spontani šarm. Njemu to dolazi prirodno- ili se barem tako čini. Ljudi ga vole. U prosjeku on je puno bolji u društvenim stvarima nego ja. Je li to znači da on ima nepoštenu prednost? Ne mislim da je tako. Tako se čini. Upravo je tu kvaka. Uvijek nam se čini kada je netko u nečemu dobar da mu to dolazi prirodno, ali što je potrebno da bi nam nešto došlo prirodno? Rad i motivacija. Mislim da je to nešto na čemu je on radio, mada toga nije ni svjestan. Moglo bi se reći da je po prirodi društven, ali to ne znači da nije radio na tome da bude tako dobar s ljudima. Na kraju se sve možda svodi na motivaciju. Kada nešto želimo, onda na tome i radimo, pa onda i nađemo način da dođemo do toga. Svi možemo biti bolji u nečemu ako radimo na tome. Nitko nije rođen savršen. Što uopće znači biti savršen? Svi smo mi različiti, imamo svoje dobre i loše strane. Svi možemo biti bolji u nečemu ako radimo na tome.  Zašto sve ovo pišem? Zato što se puno nas uspoređuje s drugima i onda nam se sve čini nemoguće. Zapravo problem nije uspoređivanje s drugima, nego način na koji to činimo. Uspoređivanjem možemo nešto i naučiti, ali moramo mu pristupiti na pravi način. Prestanimo biti sami sebi najgori neprijatelj. Nitko nije rođen savršen. Ako netko i je rođen savršen, opet mu preostaje održavati to savršenstvo, što je svakako, jako teško. Možda smo na neki način svi rođeni savršeni, savršeni za ovu avanturu koja je zove osobni rast i razvoj. Kakogod, svi smo mi radovi u tijeku. 





coat/kaput: Tally Weijl, blouse/bluze and /i bag/torba: vintage (second hand), boots/čizme: Šimecki, beanie/kapica:borrowed/posuđena





modaodaradosti

modaodaradosti





Location for this post is Capljina, a little city in Bosnia and Herzegovina. You can see my previous posts from this place here , here , here and here

Ove slike uslikane su u Čapljini. Možete vidjeti prijašnje fotografije iz ovoga mjesta u poveznicama u engleskome dijelu teksta iznad. 

Broj komentara: 37:

  1. I also think a lot of skills develop over the years. After all, life is dynamic and so is each one of us. I used to be quite introverted and withdrawn as a teenager but have learned to interact far more smoothly when in social surroundings just by getting older. Also love your winter outfit! Your scarf looks so nice and cozy.
    Christina ♥ https://caliope-couture.com

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    2. I do agree. We develop skills with time and we can always learn things. There is no reason why an introvert can't learn to interact with people.

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  2. Nice post, love your outfit :)

    Kiss from Paris
    Kelly W. www.theoctober21.com

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  3. Lovely blouse and great boots, Ivana! As for the topic, I think the truth is somewhere in between. I see your charm - and I'm sure your husband finds you charming! I think we "develop" charm when we feel relaxed and happy within ourselves. We radiate genuine love - and we receive love from others. That's all that charm is. We all have natural strengths, and we all have things that don't come easily to us. We can work and develop anything, but there are things that come with ease! I am like you - I studied languages and literature at a University level, got a diploma, and was considered one of the most talented in my field. But I've been like this all my life! As a kid, I was coming up with poems and songs. I do think that we are born with certain talents - many talents, not one or two, but some of them resonate so deeply with us that we just invest more time and efforts in them, so they develop - but again, naturally, not in a forced way. Anyway, that's what I think. :)

    Sending you love! :)

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    1. thank you dear. I think we're both with tendencies towards certain things. To some extent we're born with talents and capabilities...but it is always our responsibility to further develop these. No matter how talented one might be at birth, there is usually work behind his talent. People take Mozart for example often, because he could compose at a young age, but he also studied music at an age age. He had talent, no doubt about it, but it is the work behind the talent that counts.

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    2. Yes, it is so, I agree with you! And then, I do not relate to evaluating person's talents or skills as "fair" or "unfair" - it's not about "fairness", rather it's about self-honesty, finding your natural talents and then follow your own path... which is different for everyone, of course! We might even have talents that we do not want to develop - it's just doesn't interest us that much, so putting efforts into this field just isn't something that appeals to us (like me with musical or drawing skills, for instance :). Mozart was born into a very musical family, he grew up in this atmosphere, it was nurtured from a very early age - and yes, he also was what people call "natural" at it. Andre Agassi on the other hand was natural at tennis, obviously tremendously talented and also hard-working - but apparently he hated tennis and was forced by his father, so resentment was a huge part of his life for years, and ended up almost tragically. I think it is a MUST to put our efforts into things that are A) something we are naturally good at, and B) we are eager to do because we are mad about them! Those are two basic things, and everything else is the next level so to speak - education, work, self-improvement etc. For your hubby, language skills, self-expression is most probably not either one of such very basic things, so he wasn't especially interested in developing them, working on them. If he becomes genuinely interested in developing them, then I'm sure it will change. :)
      Anyway, I enjoy topics like this one. Good conversation!

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    3. I enjoy our talks too. I do agree, it is a mixture of being natural at something and pursuing it. I think that the best results happen when natural tendencies meet effort. For example, I can't deny that I have a bit of talent for sports. However, I was never interested in pursuing it. My PE teacher would always make me do even more sports, make me join the basketball team etc...and I loved playing sports but I was never competitive in terms of wanting to do a competition. I never felt like sports could be a way of expressing myself. I simply wasn't driven to pursue any sport. Or perhaps I was aware that someone with scoliosis would probably never become a professional athlete? Maybe it is not it...lots of famous athletes have health problems I have, I guess they were simply more driven than me.

      There is one Croatian tennis player Mirjana Lučić who achieved great results at a very young age but then disappeared for years. It turned out she had a nervous breakdown and was in therapy for years because her father would beat her up every time she would lose a match. She did manage to make a comeback (after 10 years or so).

      She is still active, not one of the best (I think she was in top 100 in 2011 which is really good considering her age-she is a few years older than me) and she refuses to retire. So, I think she must really love tennis. I think it is great that she refuses to retire and become a coach. She obviously managed to get over whatever happened to her and now she can love tennis again.

      I think that what matters is also that we do something for the right reasons. In her case, tennis was something she loved but the conditions were wrong- so she had to give it up, build a new life for herself...and so it is in life. Sometimes we have to give up even the things we love not because it is wrong to do them, but because the conditions are wrong. However, in life you never know when fate will give us another opportunity.

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  4. Ivana che bello questo cappottino, ti sta proprio bene
    buona serata, un bacione
    <<< tr3ndygirl fashion blog >>>

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  5. Beautiful outfit! I love your coat!

    Bella x
    https://bellasfashionjournal.com

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  6. You are totally right tourism industry it is not for the shy and quiet people :-)You look gorgeous in this styling my dear!I like the idea of combining these pants with tights. Have a lovely day :-)

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    1. my point was completely opposite. Despite being shy, I'm good at working with people because I have good communication skills, it is just that I don't have as good people skills as some people, nor do I have that natural charm and the benefit of being spontaneous. Those two things are very different. One can be very shy and still be a good communicator, at least that's what I think.

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  7. Imaš pravo, možemo imati neku crtu na kojoj trebamo raditi kroz život, da postane prednost.
    Netko drugi može, na primjer, jako raditi da uopće razvije tu karakteristiku. Na kraju, bitno je koliko se posvetiš nečemu, prirodni talenti su samo dar u startu, isto tako mogu propasti. rad je taj koji nešto pretvori u plus.

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  8. I am very shy but am very gooda t getting along with people and figuring them out.

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    1. I think it might be because shy people are good listeners. For me it is easy to figure out people too.

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  9. Poptuno se pronalazim u tvojim rečima. Vezuje nas za neka prirodna sklonost ka izražavanju, slične studije i profesija, jezici, pisanje, knjige i ljubav prema svemu tome. Takođe razumem i ovu drugu stranu, pa se čak sve to poklapa i sa mojim mužem :D On je sav društven, a ja sam neka suprotnost. Nisam ekstrem ali recimo da bih pre ostala kod kuće ili radila bilo št drugo nego se videla sa nekim ko mi nije baš bitan u životu. Sve što podrazumeva "small talk" i slično je nešto u čemu baš i ne uživam. I da, možda se rađamo za nekim sklonostima, ali ako ne radimo na njima, one ostaju samo to - sklonost.
    Divne su slike, tvoja "ušuškana" kombinacija, taj neobičan spomenik i klupice :)

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    1. kod nas je ista situacija, valjda je istina da se suprotnosti privlače:)...joj, za small talk sam antitalent. Baš tako, ako ne radimo na svojim sklonostima ostanu samo sklonosti i ne pretvore se u prednost.

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  10. I don't know if I am shy, I don't think so, but I am very private, for me there's a big difference in it. My bf is very open but also very private, I don't know how he does it, wish I had his skills, he talks freely while I am the listener with other people, but although he talks he still remains private. Hope that makes any sense, lol. See I am not able to express myself, lol. Ivana you look darling and so cute here. Beautiful photos, too. Happy holidays, gf.
    xox
    Lenya
    FashionDreams&Lifestyle

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    1. thank you for your comment....I'm very private about some things so I totally get it.

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  12. You always have a great ideas for posts Ivana! Awesome! Literally enjoyed this post.
    And also I love how you have styled this outfit - very stylish and comfy!

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  13. Velika prednost svakako, ali stečena trudom i velikim zalaganjem. Bravo Ivanice, zaista uživam u tvojoj elokventnosti

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  14. interesting clothing style my dear. it´s a great idea to combo your tights with this kind of jeans and shoes. but my highlight on all of this is your coat in combo with this cool scarf - i love this a lot!

    Jennifer
    http://jennifer-femininundmodisch.blogspot.de/2017/01/verliebt-in-jeans-longshirt-glitzer.html

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  15. Very unusual and inspiring look, especially bottom - jeans and shoes. Very nice!

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All your comments mean a lot to me, even the criticism. Naravno da mi puno znači što ste uzeli vrijeme da nešto napišete, pa makar to bila i kritika. Per me le vostre parole sono sempre preziose anche quando si tratta di critiche.